Dead Dreams

Written in 2021.

Photo by Nastia Petruk on Unsplash

They died from a drowning
In an alcohol river.
Their pride was
Swallowed by water
With the color of
Coltrane’s Blue Train album cover
Accompanied by Naima
As the score
For the tragedy.

Doubt showed up to the funeral
In a seductive Black slit dress
Designed by Dior.
Her flawless face
Held shimmering tears
Bearing the weight of disappointment.
Her heavy heart
Was loaded with
10,000 bricks of losses.

Regret matched Doubt’s allure
As he walked next to her
Wearing an Armani suit.
His dreadful eyes were protected by his
Broken Balenciaga shades.
His lips were wired shut
Like the gates of San Quentin.
His silence spoke
With the voice of tropical thunders.

Laughter gave the obituary.

The skeleton of Dreams is now buried
In the belly of abandonment.
Insecurity strolls by
Decorated in nudity
Every year
To spit on their gravesite.

---

Poetry Notes:

I shared this poem with a friend (who is a brilliant writer in her own right) from college a couple of years ago and wanted to get her feedback. After she appreciated the exchange, she asked this question,

“I’m curious— in the last stanza, what do you mean by ‘decorated in nudity?’”

In this context, I feel like Insecurity creates Doubt and Regret. So I use Doubt and Regret as a resort of sadness while Insecurity remains the victor, confidently.

And the words “confident” and “insecure” are opposites to each other. So I personified Insecurity as a “confident” villain on a mission to defeat dreams in this case.

I’ve always loved the word “decorate” because I feel it’s always used in a positive manner. I tend to associate that word “decoration” with “party” “beauty” and “celebration”.

It takes a lot of confidence to embrace your body especially when you’re naked. And I think it’s possible to view your body as a decoration to your Being. Or a decoration to your Soul.

So I decided to flip this connotation adjacent to joy and use “decorate” in a negative context. Insecurity defeated the dreams and was happy to be the cause of dreams’s death.

Fashion (especially high fashion) is often used to hide insecurities for people, physically and financially— which is why I decided to “dress” Doubt and Regret, while Insecurity cannot hide away from itself. Because once you strip away all of the temporary artificiality in which some may call “allure”, and wash away the perfume or cologne in which some may call “arrogance,” and you finally leave yourself bare, Insecurity could be all that you would wear.

I feel like people don’t really address personal doubt and regret head on until they reminisce on their past. And by the time they do address the truth, it is often too late. Their lesson, remissible or not, may have cost a hefty price. Insecurity is a moderately present cloud. A dark cloud subconsciously creeping the gloomy pieces of the mind, that can easily cause a storm if one chooses to ignore it for too long.